conversations with a dandelion - @OceanDrivesLab
conversations with a dandelion by: shamori tilman
“I don’t want to do this, you have an unrealistic idea of love and of me and I can’t live up to that, i don’t want to live up to that”
D: what is my idea? and why is it so unrealistic?
“That I’m perfect and that this is perfect…I just know that I’m a work in progress and i don’t want to ruin what we have or worse, make you resent me because I’m going to fall short of perfection every time”
D: you’re projecting again…
“Shut up, I’m serious.”
D: the guy you met 7 years ago, after having to swallow my pride, would’ve agreed. My love has matured past the “hopeless romantic” veil
“I always hated when you talked in code…”
D: haha, there’s not much to translate with that one. Just learned to let the intensity pass first…
D: i know our relationship was just a bunch of sexting and sending music to each other but i never wanted that exclusively, I always felt like that’s just what we were reduced to because of the distance.
“That’s what really killed us — being in two different time zones.. you were awake when i was asleep and when i woke up you’d be long gone. We never got any real quality time to talk”
D: for the record i never thought you were perfect. Oddly enough i found myself wishing we’d move past the sending meme phase. I wanted to know you.
“That’s a lie…i lost count of how many times you told me how perfect i was”
D: i apologize. i never really took the time to explain what i meant by that..
“So what did you mean?”
D: it was the feeling you gave me that was perfect; not you. Almost like magic. You, flawed, I’m sure and I’m sure there’s things about you that make you cringe at the idea of me knowing but that never mattered to me. It was how you made me feel
“You say stuff like that and wonder why i feel so much pressure to live up to this perfect girl”
D: I’ve never asked you to be. and if you feel like it’s too much pressure than i would encourage you not to get involved with me
“You’re trying to use reverse psychology on me, i know you”
D: that’s honest. that’s what i hated the most about the distance. I always knew there was a whole other world to you, full of insecurities and flaws. Just a culmination of everything you see daily and intimately that you hate about yourself. I wanted to know those things more than anything else
D: i connected with you and you know that’s always something i struggled with. There was no shy/awkward phase.. a perfect stranger
“There goes that word again”
D: when we first met tell me you didn’t feel it too?
“I did but st — “
D: exactly, so don’t fault me for actually saying what we both felt
D: i meant what i said, if it’s too much pressure than leave it where it’s at. Obviously i want to see the best parts of you but not if it’s at the expense of you having hide the not so pretty parts.
“All or nothing?”
D: I wouldn’t want you any other way