Don't be Tom Hansen (A blog about Relationships and Titles)- @Chitown_Eazy
I believe that the only things that are guaranteed in this World is: Death, taxes and the San Antonio Spurs making the NBA playoffs. We seem to believe that once we start to build a romantic relationship with someone that if we add a label to it then it will ensure that the relationship has meaning. Also, that a title guarantees the person won't wake up with a change of heart and that the relationship will not end abruptly. In Chicago, we call this way of thinking "sending yourself off".
People get caught up in the notion that having a title is going to grant them something. As if the person you are involved with is going to take you or what y'all have going on more serious. These are unrealistic ways of thinking. If you have a bond with a person adding the title of boyfriend/girlfriend is not going to help the situation. If the bond is there, then the label of what you are exactly is not going to be the deciding factor of how long the relationship is going to last. The deciding factors include: aspirations, communication, love and the feelings between one another. Not rather you call each other boo's, bae's or girl/boyfriend. Realistically, these are just terms.
Some people are not comfortable being" anyone's anything" and like being on their own. This does not mean that they do not care for you or you shouldn't be with them. It just means that they struggle with the concept and expectations that come with an official title. To some, relationships are demanding and they do not enjoy the feeling of being controlled in any way because they how to live up to a standard that is expected with carrying the title of boyfriend or girlfriend. With titles comes expectations and some people do not want that pressure on them and why should they if everything is already going smoothly?
Having a title gives some people a false sense of ownership of the person they are with and this is one of the many reasons people shy away from it. Many seem to believe that a title gives them the feeling that they can tell their significant other what to do in a sense cause their your boyfriend or girlfriend. This usually leads to phrases you may hear such as "I'm not even your man" or "I'm not your bitch"' as a defense for when someone is coming off too controlling. Believing you have even an scintilla of control over someone because of a title is the empathy of setting yourself and the relationship up for failure. You can't control or stop anyone that is in your life from walking out at the drop of a dime if they wanted to, but having a title over them may make you feel as if you can. As you read earlier, you know what we call that in Chicago. If you and your significant other fall out, the pain of the separation would be far more if you were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, as opposed to just being together, although essentially there is no different between the two relationships. Just more pressure with one as oppose to the other.
I'm not saying by any means not to officially date someone, cause I realize some yearn for the feeling of making things official and that's fine. But, when someone of the (potential) couple confuses the "talking stage" with the "relationship stage" that is when all the problems come. If you feel like you must add a title make sure you talk to the person about it and establish what you want. Do not just assume because you're having raw sex without withdraw, dinner dates and meeting each other's families that it necessarily means that they are your boy or girlfriend. Sometimes people just want to be free and independent without worrying about the complications that come along with dealing with someone and save the serious stuff for later, or if you build your way up to it through time and chemistry. Make sure you decide what's best for you and see if it matches what's best for them and if a official relationship is the route you want to take from there then try to work something out. But find something that works for both of you....
Don't end up like this guy: