A Lesson Learned In Self Reflection - @leandrekennedy
Let me get straight to the point. There was this girl. A rare specimen where I live, extremely cute, banging bod and a dope personality. So you know I had to scheme, I wanted this girl. I had to have her.
It started with this weird relationship where we would be mean to each other; in my head I always knew she had to at least find me cute or something or else she’d just ignore me so one day I decided to finally try and hang with her and from there it was a blur. Next thing you know we’re talking every day, all day.. the usual honeymoon phase of when you're crushing on somebody. One night we went out and drank and that's when everything changed. I told her all about my family, my insecurities, life goals and what not.. we really started to connect. Normally this is a good thing, but for me ? I tend to focus on what can go wrong and for this situation that's a lot. I was over analyzing the situation, thinking too much about down the road instead of living in the moment.
I was unsure about dating this girl. I was sure that I liked her, but wanted to stall the relationship part to make sure we could work long term. To her credit, she handled it well.. At first. She continued to go with the flow, a real trooper. Eventually she got sick of waiting and began to put some distance between us and I got upset like it was her fault things were being stagnant. Nobody really likes being alone when they really like somebody, and I was in a poor state of mind so I made a mistake. I hung out with a girl I used to see a few times just for a connection because I was so used to being with someone. I didn’t want to be alone with what was going on in my life. I was upset because I only have myself to blame, she was tired of waiting. So was I but I didn’t do anything about it. I was afraid to make it official, but truthfully that's all I wanted. I just couldn't get out of my own way so I hoped she would bring that conversation up.
I hate the fact that I got emotionally involved, I mean very emotionally involved. I really did like this girl, everything seemed perfect. Obnoxious laugh? loved it, snoring ? didn't care. Even the horrible attitude wasn't so horrible anymore. I realized that what ruined the situation was I could only see this girl as a long time partner, and I don’t believe she had the same vision. I didn’t want to start something that had an expiration date on it. I not saying we would be getting married, but ultimately that is my personal goal of a relationship. Why become official and make that level of commitment if you’re planning on ending it? If you don’t see a person that could possible be that last person you date, then don’t date them. That's just how I feel about it.
I know I should probably move on like she did but anybody that knows me, knows that I can’t just leave a situation on a bad note. Even if we never get a chance to work things out, I want a chance to be friends again because she really became an important person to me, and I’m willing to put what I really want aside if that what it takes to get her back in my life. I really thought I was in good shape but one day on my way to work Drake’s song sooner than later came on and when he said “And I realized I waited too long… but please don’t move on, you don’t need no one else” I realized I was sprung. Regardless of how this story ends, I’m sharing this with my internet family to learn from my mistakes. I know we’re all trying to go through life without getting hurt by somebody but if you don’t open up yourself to the possibility of getting hurt, you’ll never be able to experience real love.
I won’t put her name on this but I hope someday she reads this and understands how I truly feel.