Maybe I Should've - @cierraanise
“But are you going to leave me though?” I can’t, because you already did. I’ve been alone for some months now, and I knew it all along. I can’t even put a finger on where it went wrong. I loved you so much I forgot to love myself. I️ don’t even know where I’m going with this but I’m going. You pushed me away and then filled the spot I could never fill. I thought I had a real best friend, but I couldn’t see this shit wasn’t real. So blinded by the way I felt around you, I didn’t even realize you weren’t around me. You transferred your energy onto a new source, one I couldn’t keep up with. I lost myself in you, and I can’t figure out where to begin to look. Should I have left when you asked me if I was going to? You became my everything so quick, and I wasn’t an impact.
Your words are amazing but your actions only matched the fact that you closed the door on me but kept my heart with you. I just want it back if you’re not going to take care of it. So I knock and knock and knock only for you to answer and say I should stop trying to work my way back in... By saying I love you. I hate it, because I actually fucking do. All I ever was, was good to you, allowed my world to become you. Allowed you to become my vision. Now I’m blinded by you, can’t even see you, cause I don’t want to believe this is the real you. In shock for the way you did me. Treated you so good you left me. Crying while I write this shit, while thinking you're not even worth my tears, I deserve better, I know I do. But above it all, I still got some faith in you, in us. I didn’t want to ask questions but, Geary did I really deserve that shit? Never playing a victim because I’m not perfect but I would’ve been honest with you, because that’s all I ever asked of you. Wasn’t it? My bad, I forgot the phone call, and replies when you were free. You couldn’t even be honest with me, and here I am.
Wanting you back when I should’ve been gone. I’m gone within myself, not here anymore. I’m wherever the image I had of you is now framed. And there you are, wondering why it’s hard for me to trust you again, and why you’re getting accused. I was right last time, so let me take time to heal. Help me heal the wounds you made. Because like Budden said, if these wounds are self inflicted, I can patch myself, they’re not though. Bring me out the dark pit you brought me in. You’re keeping me attached, & if my love isn’t what you wanted, you should’ve cut my string before tying the knot elsewhere. You love me? So why did you help me leave? This might be good bye, for now, idk....